What my newborn was like

My baby has recently turned 3 months old. As she leaves the newborn stage behind, it’s begun to really hit me how fast this is all going. Of course, “they grow up so fast” is a phrase as old as time, but now that I am a mum watching it all happen it has become so real to me.

In this post I want to go back a bit and remember what those first few weeks were like. I have begun to ask myself, in years to come, will I remember this? It startles me how quickly I have already forgotten some of it.

Two small things spring to mind as examples - when she was only a few weeks old, we had to change her nappy lightning fast because she would scream all the way through a nappy change. Ditto with getting out of the bath or shower. Now she doesn't complain at all for either. It’s like she just grew out of it.

We spent the first three days of her life together in hospital. Through the day, she slept beautifully in her hospital cot or inside Dane’s shirt, kangaroo style. At night, she didn't sleep at all. I felt like I had a choice between baby crying and me not sleeping, or holding baby so she wouldn't cry and me not sleeping. I remember the exhaustion felt a bit like the last day of leading on youth camp - deliriously tired, teary, emotional; but still happy; still worth it.

At first, baby had heaps of trouble feeding. I had to feed her using tiny medicine cups, syringes, and eventually bottles. When I tried breastfeeding she would cry for twenty minutes at a time trying to latch, and then I would cry from frustration and disappointment. If she ever managed to latch on and breastfeed, I would treasure every second, wondering if it would be the last time I got to experience breastfeeding.

We slowly got better at breastfeeding, first using a nipple shield, and then at about 3 weeks old she turned the corner and got the hang of it. Now breastfeeding is so easy and enjoyable. It’s one of my favourite parts about being a mum.

I used to take her to the sofa outside our bedroom for night feeds because she cried and fussed so much and I didn't want to keep Dane up. I had a little fan heater, breast pump and baby bottle, nipple shield, snacks and water bottle all ready to go near the sofa before I went to bed. I remember sitting on that sofa in the black of night holding baby because she wouldn't sleep and wouldn't stop crying unless I held her. I was just waiting it out until I could feed her again and try to feed her to sleep.

Baby not sleeping in the small hours of the morning

When Dane went back to work, I sent him to the guest room on those nights baby wouldn't sleep so he wouldn't be wrecked the next day. Many times after putting her in the bassinet after a night feed I would constantly pray, “Please God let her sleep; please God let her sleep”. Gradually, I noticed I didn't need to say those desperate midnight prayers anymore as baby became good at falling asleep after a night feed, and now I don’t even remember when the last bad night was.

What has surprised me the most is how quick I am to wake for her in the night. Before having a baby, few things were more important to me than sleep, and I slept like the dead! It’s as if becoming a mum literally gave me the (super)power to respond to my baby at night. I can honestly say that I don’t mind at all waking up for night feeds, in fact, I quite enjoy them. On those few nights when baby has slept through the night, I actually felt a bit sad.

Reading back over this, it sounds a bit grim, as though I want to remember all these hard things to stop me from ever having another baby! But the truth is exactly the opposite. I want to remember because I loved all those experiences.

While I was pregnant, many people would tell me to ‘cherish every minute’. While it’s pretty hard to actually love every single minute, I would say instead I have treasured the newborn experience as a whole package. I know it's a special time, and now that baby is growing out of her newborn clothes, I will remember how much I loved it.